I want to introduce you to my younger sister Jane, who recently lost her life at 53 years of age. She lost her ability to take care of herself due to the sheer emotional weight of her Soul Sickness. Her death has been the most powerful emotional journey i have experienced in my life. I believe the word we use for this state is GRIEF. The dreaded GRIEF, this is a powerful word that i also did not understand as a emotional process before i met Markus. This is the big one, the mother of all pain, loosing my sister Jane opened up the gates to a whole new universe of pain, so strong it stopped my breathing, it scared me so much that i could not stand the feelings, so i had to distract myself from this monster within. It was so powerful i could only break away from it for a few minutes without it coming flooding back over me, taking my breath away and all my strength. The feeelings we have to avoid at all cost because its just too painful.
So in my next blog i want to try and write down my grieving process i went through loosing my sister, i feel she has inspired me to eventually start writing about things i have only spoke about in the past. The lethal condition of Soul Sickness and its crippling effects on humans and our environment. So we may understand how to accept that we can change and grow free from this ailment.
I chose some words to read out at my sisters funeral from a song, but mixed it up a little so they represented our journey more personally, i did not know the depth of my love for my sister until she died. We spoke of Soul Sickness many times while she was dying and i know she would be proud that i have eventually started to share my understanding and experiences of this soul destroying condition. Jane has inspired me to write these words here in honor of my love for her and the battle she fought for her life……Bless her soul…
Would you take a bullet, would you bite the gun. Ive fallen to my knees now the wars already won.
So please don’t take me for no fool, i spent a lifetime in your shoes, now I’m walking yes I’m walking, through the fire.
Gloves off we’re finished, you had the hand that feeds. We nursed your battle scars but you left our hearts to bleed.
So remember, we’ll remember, through the dark nights, we’ll burn bright, we’ll pull ourselves together, we’ll just keep holding on.
As i tried to take my place, I felt the fear in your face. You kept on playing same old games, I felt the pain that was your shame.
My heart remembers your golden embers, so please remember we’ll walk together. Through the dark nights we’ll blaze bright, with the fire in your hair and the oceans in your eyes, we can smile in our hearts, only love never dies…
Bless ya soul sister, now you are free……
Be careful out there, its a mad mad world we livin in….